Blog
Defeat
There is no awakening without defeat. Because it is unto the cracking, unto the breaking, unto the shattering that the light can seep in.
If you do not hit the bottom. If you do not fall into defeat. If you do not let go and let in with your arms up in the air waving in absolute and utter yielding of all that you are, then you are still being run by the ego.
Fear
I have been there. I have intensely and intimately felt so much fear. It has rocked me to my core, it has squeezed my heart in a vice, it has viscerally ensconced me in a shroud of darkness.
But it was there to be healed. It was there to be released. It was there to move through and let go once and for all. There were so many moments where I had to face my fears and sit with them and be with them and hold them.
The Stages of the Dark Night of the Soul
The Dark Night is part of the awakening process and happens when you hit a certain point along your journey. Its purpose is woven into your own unique unfolding, soul lessons and path. The hardest part of this Dark Night of the Soul is that it disconnects you from the Universe. That is a tell-tale sign that you are in one: where there was once connection to spirit, where there was once flow and light from within, that gets completely and utterly disconnected during the Dark Night.
Sensitive
In our modern, patriarchal and masculine driven society right now the word sensitive is commonly interpreted as weak, soft, delicate, careful. We look down on the word sensitive and we deem it less important than other attributes such as strength or power. We see those who are sensitive as emotional or subordinate.
But what I have realized along the awakening path is that being sensitive is a gate to the other realms, it is the connection across the cosmos, it is the opening of the heart, it is the joyful beingness of oneness.
Honoring Your Humanness
Yes, you are eternal life force. You are pure empowerment. You are god consciousness. But you are also human.
And human’s mess up. And they fall on their face. And they do weird things. And they have jobs and kids and wives and husbands. And they like to dance. And they enjoy coffee. And they misstep and bumble along.
Releasing the 20 Pound Weight
The awakening process strips so much away. It strips away your long-held self-limiting beliefs. It forces you to face your fears so that you can transcend them. It takes away so much of who you thought you were and the person who society expected you to be. It strips you, and shines light in all the nooks and crannies of your being. And just when you think there is nothing left, it finds another little dark nook, and through the process of awareness drives this darkness to the forefront of your conscious for you to deal with whether you like it or not. It forces you to face everything. Literally everything. No stone is unturned, nothing left to hide.
Cycling Through Spirit and Your Misaligned Ego Beliefs
Just when you think you’ve arrived. Just when you feel light and free and can make anything happen, you cycle back through yet another fear, another misaligned belief, you cycle back into something you thought you had already dealt with. This is all part of the process.
Cleaning Out the Muck
When you shine the light of awareness on all your mental constructs, on all your misconceptions, on all of your beliefs, there is a lot of muck. And just when you think you’ve cleared out all the muck, you dig even deeper and find even more muck. Lots and lots of muck.
When It Rains, It Pours
I was being called into the darkness and to say that it was intense is an understatement. Especially while also trying to be a mom of a toddler as well as a newborn. My internal life completely and utterly unraveled. I felt deserted by the universe and was left barren, stripped and in the dark with nowhere to go except to simply let go.
Awakening Cuts Through Everything
When you start to live more from your soul vs. your ego, this process shines a light on everything. And I mean everything. The good, the bad, the ugly. If there is something misaligned in your life, awakening will cut through it. It will shine a spotlight on it whether you want it to or not. And it will get louder and louder and louder until you have no choice but to face whatever it is that needs resolving.
The Transition to YOU
Within a Dark Night of the Soul, the transition might be the hardest part. The transition comes after you have dissolved the old you, after you have dissolved the ego. It comes after you have walked through the void between the old you, the fear based you, and the new you, the new spirit aligned you.
The transition essentially feels like a battle taking place inside of you.
Inner Truth
Your inner truth slices through everything. It’s a knife that cuts through any untruth and shines light on your own inner beautiful, light filled, soul lifting truth.
Empowerment
It is raw, potent power, but this power does not come from the head. It comes from the heart. And it balks at being bossed around, or limited to rules that make no sense. It is freedom, it is fearless, it is endless expansion and it has no limit.
Honesty
Being honest with oneself is one of the hardest things to do. To look at yourself honestly and truthfully and from a place of humility can be very challenging. To see that we are the ones that are making ourselves suffer can hurt. It can make you mad at yourself. It can make you angry. To see that all your desires and wishes driven from the ego were in turn actually making you suffer can make you feel like the worst person in the world. As you see through your own illusions and grasping at things and limiting beliefs, it can feel like WOW is this really me. It can be quite a shock as you realize that you have been the captain of your own ship the whole time and you were the one who has been making yourself suffer. Not the world. Not your job. Not your housing situation. Not your relationship. But YOU.
Grieving the Old You
During the awakening process or any transformational process, you go through stages of grieving the ‘old self.’ You are aligning with a new level of you/consciousness and within that you have to say goodbye to the old and make room for the new you.
Suffering
Suffering is a catalyst for growth, for change, for transformation.
It is life force telling us that we need to evolve, that something is off or it’s time to align with our true calling in this life. It’s a signal that we are living too much in the ego/thinking mind and it’s time to align with our inner life force, our inner soul, our divine nature, our truth.
Post-Partem Transformation
After having a baby, it’s a very raw, potent, vulnerable time. Your entire life dramatically shifts from external to internal, from doing to caring, from socializing to being, from activity to stillness. Many factors come together to create a mixing bowl potent with the ingredients for transformation and growth.
Humility
Humility is a place of surrender. It’s a place of I don’t know and I take a step back and let in. It’s a humbling place to be. It pushes you back to your rawness. Without any shields or guards you just let it all drop and are just there. It’s a way of getting out of your ego mind and into your being. It jolts us out of who we think we are, it makes us reassess. We are humbled and are able to bow.
Awakening and the Outside World
You are in it. You are in the depths of deep inner work. Of ego dissolution. Of the Dark Night of the Soul. You are ‘becoming.’ So much is happening internally—mentally, physically, emotionally. But to the outside world you still have to go to work and write emails and have meetings. You still have to go to the grocery store and make sure your kids are fed.