I was so terrified of these thoughts and I was filled with so much shame that I actually expanded and perpetuated these thoughts. They became bigger because I kept trying to push them away. They become more prevalent because I kept trying to disassociate and disconnect from them. I kept thinking that I am NOT the kind of person that has these thoughts. And so they followed me around like a little puppy dog for years. Because I couldn’t face them. And I didn’t fully understand them.