Blog
True Growth
What is true growth? It is when you completely and utterly surrender an old part of yourself. And finally let go of that part of you to truly transcend it with the beautiful light and love of source.
This is very different from intellectual growth. Or learning something new. Or Intellectalizing something in your brain. When you intellectualize something and learn that is growth that entails only a small piece of your true self.
Sensitive
In our modern, patriarchal and masculine driven society right now the word sensitive is commonly interpreted as weak, soft, delicate, careful. We look down on the word sensitive and we deem it less important than other attributes such as strength or power. We see those who are sensitive as emotional or subordinate.
But what I have realized along the awakening path is that being sensitive is a gate to the other realms, it is the connection across the cosmos, it is the opening of the heart, it is the joyful beingness of oneness.
Judgement
But right now, many of us in our modern society are so judgmental and so harsh and we push ourselves, and try and prove ourselves so intensely, whether in our work, in our parenthood, in our athletic achievements, etc. and so forth. And so many of us do this to cover up the unworthiness we feel deep down, the judgement of ourselves deep down. We don’t truly, unconditionally love who we are, so we cover it up with so many different things. I have been there, and my main cover up was my job.
After the Dark Night
When I began to step out of the Dark Night, it was as if I was a completely different person inside. I felt so light, so empty. My being felt as if so much had been dropped and so much had been let go of that when I closed my eyes there was so much more space.
Releasing the 20 Pound Weight
The awakening process strips so much away. It strips away your long-held self-limiting beliefs. It forces you to face your fears so that you can transcend them. It takes away so much of who you thought you were and the person who society expected you to be. It strips you, and shines light in all the nooks and crannies of your being. And just when you think there is nothing left, it finds another little dark nook, and through the process of awareness drives this darkness to the forefront of your conscious for you to deal with whether you like it or not. It forces you to face everything. Literally everything. No stone is unturned, nothing left to hide.
Cycling Through Spirit and Your Misaligned Ego Beliefs
Just when you think you’ve arrived. Just when you feel light and free and can make anything happen, you cycle back through yet another fear, another misaligned belief, you cycle back into something you thought you had already dealt with. This is all part of the process.
Empowerment
It is raw, potent power, but this power does not come from the head. It comes from the heart. And it balks at being bossed around, or limited to rules that make no sense. It is freedom, it is fearless, it is endless expansion and it has no limit.
Grieving the Old You
During the awakening process or any transformational process, you go through stages of grieving the ‘old self.’ You are aligning with a new level of you/consciousness and within that you have to say goodbye to the old and make room for the new you.
Post-Partem Transformation
After having a baby, it’s a very raw, potent, vulnerable time. Your entire life dramatically shifts from external to internal, from doing to caring, from socializing to being, from activity to stillness. Many factors come together to create a mixing bowl potent with the ingredients for transformation and growth.
Transitioning from the Old to the New
The toggle between the old and the new feels as if a war is going on inside of me. Ego keeps yelling I want it my way and I want it NOW. It’s a screaming toddler. It yells mean words. It’s berating. It’s doubt. It’s mistrust. It’s wanting things to change now. It’s an energetic force within you. It feels oily and misguided and only in it for the ‘me.’ It sneaks up on you when you least expect it. It wiggles its way through and says NO. It’s long held fears. It’s worries about the future. It’s trying to keep the small me safe.
The Train
You are a train. And your entire life you have been on train tracks headed in the same direction as all the other trains. You live by the train’s rules of only going one way on the tracks and only sleeping at the train station and only being productive by carrying things to and from on your train.
Pressure Cooker
There are times throughout the awakening process and especially when you are amongst a powerful ego dissolution cycle to feel as if you are in a pressure cooker.
Cycles
Through these cycles, the shifts in perspective and realizations go deeper and deeper. It’s life calling out to life. The energetic shifts become stronger. You are cycling closer and closer to awakening to your true nature. To the point where you don’t just glimpse or embody the truth for a time period. But to the point when that which is truth completely submerges your being, because it is truly who you are.
What the Dark Night of the Soul Feels Like
Heart hurts (pressure in the heart center and releases)
Gut hurts (pressure and releases)
Bone crushing exhaustion
Fear—so much fear (anxiety)
Life/Death/Life Cycle of Awakening
Awakening is a continuous cycle of Life/Death/Life. In order to awaken, you have to shed, and something has to die. In this case, your ego has to shed, it has to die and then it has to evolve so a new you (a new state of consciousness) can live.
Essentially you have to give in, surrender, become transparent, and carve out holes in your ego so that the light of spirit, the divine, god, the universe, or whatever you want to call it, can shine through.
And this cycle of Life/Death/Life, it can be extremely challenging at times.